Men and Emotional Intimacy

Men desire intimacy just as women do. But ask a man how many other men he has as intimate friends and you will probably get a defensive response. Men often confuse intimacy with sex. This can lead them to be fearful of intimacy with another man where it may arouse suspicion of him struggling with his sexual orientation . It can also deprive him of non-sexual intimacy with female friends due to his confusion over sex and intimacy.

Men grow up with media and society leading them not to talk about their feelings of love or pain or anything except sport and politics. When faced with emotional situations they often turn it into a joke if they talk about it at all.

The myths that men are always in control, men don’t cry, or if you are emotionally hurting you just need to ‘be strong and tough it out’ are some of the reasons that hinder men from being intimate with others. They cannot afford to reveal any ‘weakness’ that may threaten their manhood. Men need to see these myths for what they are and allow themselves the freedom to experience intimacy with all the vulnerability and empowerment that it can bring them.

It is also easy for both men and women to continually seek the initial feelings of ‘being in love’ that occurs at the beginning of a relationship and confuse this hormonal rush they had with true intimacy. Intimacy occurs where both partners continually work at the relationship as it develops. They can then develop the mutual trust, respect, and love that can lead to emotional intimacy.

They key here is working at it. Most people find that intimacy is a skill that they need to learn and practice at. It is normal to be daunted by the demands and risks of making yourself vulnerable to someone else but the rewards can be spectacularly worthwhile.

I love this quote ”I've always gone after fears and tried to stifle them by doing them. It is daunting, but it's more rewarding”. Lily Col.

Opening yourself up to another person can be a painful experience especially where they may not respond in a way that you wanted, but it can also open the door to them being able to open up to you in return. Waiting for them to move first is much more likely to lead nowhere.

Even if they do not feel the same way as you do, your relationship will be more honest and healthy. You can use this experience to help you develop the skill of dealing with your emotions without responding back in a negative way if you do not get the response you were looking for.

Each time that you open up to someone will be helping you to develop the habit of openness and increasing your chances of intimacy. The risks to relationships are far greater without openness with each other.

The habit of emotional openness rather than emotional distance is one of the key actions you can take to find true intimacy.