3 simple ways to resolve conflict in your romantic relationship
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
When two souls come together to create a loving relationship, it’s a beautiful thing. However, there are no relationships without conflict or challenges. The key that separates happy couples from unsuccessful couples is the way they handle conflict. Whether you have a disagreement, a major challenge, or need to re-examine your relationship, it’s important you handle your challenges with love and grace.
Always be kind- When emotions are raw, and your heart is hurting over something your partner did or said, it can be easy to say or do hurtful things. Instead of reacting out of anger, give each other enough space to breathe, reflect, and calm down. Once you both calm down, you can set time aside to discuss your issues and work together on how to resolve them.
Say what, more than why or you. -What do I mean by this? When you are having a conflict or disagreement with someone avoid questions that start with “why” (they sound judgmental) and statements that being with “you” (they seem like you are accusing your spouse of doing something wrong). Some of these phrases to avoid are:
“You did this”!
You said that!”
Why are you always…!”
It can feel like a constant attack on your spouse’s character, and it feels like you are placing blame on your spouse. It will be more effective to say: “What I hear you telling me is.” or “What I am hearing is” or “What makes you say that?” This opens up a space to let your partner truly hear your feelings without feeling like he/she was in the wrong.
Schedule weekly meetings- It may seem odd to schedule weekly meetings for your relationship. But think about it—businesses schedule weekly meetings to prevent setbacks, handle conflict, and brainstorm areas for improvement. Why can’t you do the same thing in your relationship?
When you schedule a weekly meeting this opens up space for you to talk about issues in your relationship that need to be addressed. Remember, this is not a place to attack or place blame, it’s an open discussion to talk about your relationship challenges and things you can do to improve your relationship.
To make this meeting more effective, make sure you separate it from date night. Date night is a time where you keep the passion alive and have fun. Your weekly meeting is an appointment you keep to handle conflict and improve communication in your relationship. This way there will there will be no pent up emotions that can lead to resentment.
Whether you have been married for 30 years, or starting something new, these tips will help you create a loving, long lasting relationship you can be proud of. Do you have any other tips on how you handle conflict with your significant other? Tell us below.
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